EmmaGoodEgg

I Am Legend: Alternate Ending

This ending (which is now unavailable due to Warner Bros stingyness) to Will Smith's "I Am Legend" is truer to the book. I quite liked it except for the affected gaaasp of the monster lady. Which was quite unnecessary. As was the look between the two in the car...

Now I feel like barricading my house again.

I Am Legend

I recently watched the movie I Am Legend with Will Smith as the best last man on earth who only has the company of his dog, a few choiced mannequins and a whole lot of very scary mad monsters. In a nutshell, Will Smith plays clever scientist Robert Neville who is immune to a virus that has turned every woman, man and dog into vampire-like creatures. Three years after the virus outbreak he appears to be the only survivor. Robert also happens to have MacGyver AND Chuck Norris-like qualities. Mac/Chuck/Rob tries to find a cure for the virus by hunting down monsters and taking them back to his house in order to do scientifically complex tests on them. He also makes times to hunt deer on the streets of NYC, and watch a lot of DVDs. He is unbelievably lonely and goes barmy.

[Incidentally, the movie I Am Legend is based on a Richard Matheson book of the same name. Since the publication of the book in 1954 it has been adapted into film three times. The first movie (also called I Am Legend) starring Vincent Price is the only one that follows the book closely. The Will Smith version, whilst having similar themes like loneliness and creatures that hates the sunlight, doesn't quite. Although I enjoyed the Will Smith version, I found the book had the better story. But I am much too lazy to spell it all out here so go get a copy or wikipedia it.]

Anyway, ever since watching the movie I have been obsessively fantasizing about how I can turn my house into an impenetrable fortress, getting buff and being super clever.

Lest the same thing happens to me.

But of course, my fantasy is simply the product of my extravagant, unrestrained and not to mention fanciful, imagination (read, konon in my lingo). Because if a virus actually hits the earth and turns everyone into monsters and lil’ ol me just happens to be the only immune one, I would not be able to find a cure for the virus since I hate needles, blood, monsters and getting close enough to one to do “tests”, nor am I a scientist, so forget about being the ONLY hope for mankind.

Actually I think I would probably offer myself up to the monsters. You know, why be all lonesome?

YouTube is back, so here's the trailer.

Spiderman 3 - Emma's Point Of View

Last Sunday Bobby and I dragged our asses out of the Bungalow (and from slowly turning into our duvet cover from watching copious amounts of Supernatural Season 2 in bed) and drove out to the Empire Cinema. There we met Babs & MatBon and sat through two and a half hours of a movie that was filled to the brim, chockfull of tears, fights, dances, villains and plots, all tangled up (no pun intended).

But let's backtrack a bit.

I am not a die-hard Spidey fan. Even though I watched the Spiderman TV series faithfully when I was younger and had dreams of being bitten by a radioactive spider. What I remember most about the Spidey of the 70s was that Peter Parker was a geeky do-gooder with a retro brown bouffant. The extent of the crummy special effects was Spidey scaling up and down a horizontal brick wall, shot vertically.

With the new age Peter Parker/Spiderman, I thought Tobey Maguire was well casted as the geekoid with super powers. The upside down kiss between Spiderman and Mary Jane Watson in Spiderman 2 was THE kiss of the year. It was believable and elicited gentle phwooarghs. And then we come to the third Spidey instalment and the growing awkwardness between Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst (who dated during the first Spiderman but broke up before the second) made watching their romance in the movie less believable.

The good part is that CGI is of course better than Spidey's yesteryears and on par with the first and second movie (although being an old fart, I felt sick at some of the faster fighting scenes).

The not so good parts are many. During the dance scenes, it was not funny seeing Tobey Maguire doing a cringe-worthy Tony Manero in Saturday Night Fever. I wanted to root for the Sandman's villain with a soul but there was no meat in his sandy being. That another villain came so late in the movie made me say 'Nyeh?!' James DiFranco as Green Goblin Jr was wimpy assed at best. Why the hell did his faithful butler Bernard let everything go to shit before opening his mouth and telling the truth about who killed GG Jr's dad? There was another woman thrown into Spidey's web to form a love triangle but seriously, NO bitch fight? And why would one want to under-utilise Bryce Dallas Howard who is a pretty darn good actress.

Director Sam Raimi could have practised a little more restraint. Why not stick to one main villain, develop characters and concentrated on a badass script? Instead he crammed everything into one poor movie and turned Spiderman 3 into an overindulgent crybaby.

But hey don't mind me, Spiderman 3 has the current highest film opening in history, and I'm just a hormonal woman talking. Plus I would've been in a better mood if the Empire Cinema seat wasn't a bitch for my back.

The Dread (Pregnant) Pirate Roberts

It's Tuesday and I look a sight. Thanks to an eye patch over my left eye courtesy of Dr N and his army of assistants over at the Eye Clinic at RIPAS. The eye patch not looking quite as sexy as a black eye-patch pirate one I (or Bobby for that matter) had envisaged, but a white cup-like thing secured by some sticky tape. I scared young children, and did not illicit Va Va Va Vooms from strangers, when walking the halls of RIPAS trying hard not to bump into walls.

Like I said, I look a sight.

And because I have been having pirate thoughts all day, it is inevitable that my thoughts go to The Princess Bride, THE pirate movie of the century. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you had better go find a copy of the film and WATCH IT.

I came home for the holidays one day in 1987 and heard my father and sisters rave about this movie they watched on Vhs. The video was rented from Popeye. For those who remember, and I bet there are not many who don't, in the late 80s Popeye was THE video rental shop in Brunei. It was where we can get the latest pirated movies on Vhs cassette, kinda like the Kedai Komunis of the now. It was my holiday movie of 1987, and my sisters and I watched it incessantly over the years. So much so that we still pepper our lingo with memorable quotes from the movie.

If there was an occasion for a funny exotic accent, we'll break into "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." If we wanted to say something about marriage, we'll break into, "Mawage. Mawage is what keeps us together. Today." We are the Wyrd Sisters like that. The Princess Bride brings back great memories of sisterhood, and on a day when I am fumbling about silly, I wish my sisters were around.

The film, directed by Rob Reiner, is an adaptation of William Goldman's book The Princess Bride. The movie stars a young Robin Wright (before she added 'Penn' to her name) and Cary Elwes (I think the only other notable movie he did was Saw 1) as The Princess Bride and Wesley/The Dread Pirate Roberts, respectively. Even Andre the Giant (giant bad ass wrestler extraordinaire) had a part, as Fezzik the Giant. The movie has a fairy tale feel to it and superbly combines romance, adventure and comedy. After watching the debacle that is Spiderman 3 last weekend, I miss watching movies with scripts like The Princess Bride. Incidentally, I'll do an Emma's take on Spidey if I could get my act together since its taken me ages to write this post on account of being One-Eyed Emma.

For now, its for my sisters, with love.

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan

Bobby has been threatening to watch Borat for weeks, and we finally got a rather good copy (if you can excuse the spanish subtitles when the characters speak Kazakh) from the DVD shop in Gadong Jalan Sultan, so on Saturday night Borat, a reporter from Kazakhstan graced our screen. Borat is played by Sacha Baron Cohen, who is Ali G. I watched Ali G so I thought I knew what was coming. And there was his usual brand of duping the person he interviews, together with the usual slapstick. But there was one part of the movie when he really did not need to do that. Not with a fat man's wobbly hairy ass. My eyes My eyes! But you need to see it to believe it. The slapstick in this movie sure packs a wallop.

The movie begins with Borat in the former Soviet Republic of Kazakhstan behaving absurdly badly as a loyal citizen of the country. He loves to sunbathe in my goodness a lime green thong bathing suit! Sacha Baron spares no one. There are Jewish jokes, Iraq War jokes, the physically challenged, even incestuous ones. He is married to a large dour woman and has three boys (one of which is from his sister). He is the 4th best reporter in the country and he gets an assignment to go to America and learn about its culture. His fat producer Azamat goes along with him. When in America his wife dies back home (through no fault of his but he was ecstatic) and he is free to pursue the woman of his dreams, Pamela Anderson. Borat and Azamat takes us on a journey across America to find Pam. Along the way, Borat meets a bunch of not-so-nice people in the form of the American public who goes on camera and spew bigotry (the rodeo owner), act like an ass (the frat boy) and uptight feminism (the uptight feminists). He meets Pam but is thus disillusioned, not because those boobs aren't real, but the frat boy showed him the infamous Pam and Tommy Lee's Sexcapades on a Boat.

There are parts of the movie that must be incredibly offensive to some people but in Borat, you tend to appreciate that everyone gets offended, so its okay to laugh a bit. And if the Academy has an award for the Most Selfless Act by an actor, the Oscar goes to Sacha Baron Cohen and Ken Davitian, who will win it hands-down with that wrestling scene.

Watch it, if you're not a sensitive soul.

Hard Candy

Yesterday afternoon while recovering from the Marathon, Bobby and I watched a film called Hard Candy. I was in the middle of posting when beloved husband put in the DVD, so I was planning to watch the movie with one eye on the computer screen and one on the TV. But I think it was 5 minutes into the movie when it gripped me by its very uncomfortable and very disturbing tentacles and did not let go until the end when the credits rolled.

There are more and more movies these days that partake in this kind of horror. Not those with ghosts and other spectral beings or those staring aliens with acid for blood, but the ones with real life monsters. Like the insane sadistic genius in Saw 1, 2 and 3 or the wannabe very mad surgeons in Hostel. I watch movies like these with detachment (i.e. I watch with my eyes behind a cushion, my fingers or Bobby's) because the copious blood, gore and general grotesqueness too believable for my delicate nerves. But I can hack it if you leave the blood and gore to a bearable level and pile on the psychological thrills. And Hard Candy is one hell of a psychological ride.

Hard Candy (an internet slang for underaged girl) tells the story of a 14 year old girl called Hayley who goes online and befriends Jeff who is 18 years her senior. The movie begins with an active instant messaging window on a computer screen. A few IM 'conservations' later and you have this vague sense of dread. By the time the 14 year old teenager ends up at the house of a man who could possibly be a paedophile, you know there is no turning back.

By the way, there is a castration scene. Boys, you have been warned.

Effectively there are only two actors in this movie: Ellen Page, as Hayley Stark, and Patrick Wilson, as 32 year old Jeff Kohlver. You would think that a two-person movie has its tedious moments, but I can't remember one. The movie is relentlessly disturbing and you feel the effects long after the movie has ended. This is largely due to the superb Ellen Page (19 years old and who was Kitty Pryde in this year's X-Men 3: The Last Stand) who played the little red riding hood that turned on the big bad wolf in the best of ways. It is a difficult movie to watch but it is a good one. At the very least it is edifying; You come away fearful, and more aware, that there are big bad wolves lurking in the bushes and online all too ready to prey on the little ones.

The Broccolis Are Good For You

She may have a vegetable for a family name, but Barbara Broccoli have got to have one of the best jobs in the world. Barbara, 46 (but the woman doesn't look a day over 36), is the daughter of Albert R. "Cubby" Broccoli. Cubby has produced all the James Bond films since Dr. No in 1962, until his death in 1996. Since then, his 64 year old stepson Michael Wilson, who has a cameo in Casino Royale, playing a policeman arrested in front of a Montenegro hotel, and Barbara, who previously dated Timothy Dalton, who was leery, are the producers of the James Bond franchise. Under her watch, 007 have been played by metrosexual Pierce Brosnan (always thought as 'the good call') and currently, less metrosexual more deadly just as charming, Daniel Craig.

Now why am I not surprised that a woman had a hand in the casting of Daniel Craig as double-oh-swoon.

Well played Broccoli, well played.

Casino Royale - Emma's Point Of View

Let's be honest here. I was rather ambivalent about Ian Fleming’s James Bond before watching Bond movie No. 21 - Casino Royale, at the Bolkiah Theatre in town yesterday evening. Although, like everyone else, I DO have an opinion about who makes the best Bond. I liked Sean, and perhaps Pierce, but not Timothy, or God forbid, George. But as a movie franchise, its one for the boys don't you think? With the suits, the cars, the gadgets, the girls with laughable (to women) names such as Pussy Galore in Goldfinger and Honey Ryder in Dr. No. But all good things must come to an end boys, Casino Royale with British-born actor Daniel Craig as a blond Bond hunk, muscles a-rippling and a-bleeding (on the inside too!), the new James Bond movie is definitely one for the ladies.

The opening credits of a Bond film is usually uncomfortable for a woman who is watching the movie with her man. The Bond theme music is incomplete without a shrill and booming brass fanfare, and then comes the naked silhouette of ladies dancing in flames/ice/diamonds. But in Casino Royale, Chris Cornell (former lead singer of Soundgarden) does a slick theme, and instead of aforementioned naked girls, the opening credits has sexy silhouettes of Bond himself in various poses of intrigue. Most with a BIG GUN.

In the new Bond, I liked that the Bond girl looks like she could be your best friend. French actress Eva Green was casted well as slightly imperfect clever lass, Vesper Lynd. Unlike say, Denise Richards as Christmas Jones in The World Is Not Enough, with her perfect big teeth, big breasts, big hair, plays a physicist. Yes, of course. Such a boy's fantasy that was. But I have to say that Daniel Craig's James Bond looks best in a tiny swimming trunk than the other Bonds (okay maybe not early Sean Connery). And a nod goes deservedly to the movie's stylist, as Bond is dressed to kill, not too suave, but handsome (and deadly). I also thought it was interesting that the first car we see James driving in the movie was a shiny Ford rental. Of course he also had the gorgeous silver DB5 and DBS.

There were plenty of rough action sequences with James getting hurt all over the place. One scene was particularly ball breaking. Look out for it. Look out also for Richard Branson (boss of Virgin Airways) who has a cameo in the movie. Blink and you'll miss him. Bobby didn't but I did. There was an obvious deviation from Bond's martini banter in a memorable line from the movie - this time he was asked whether he wanted his Martini shaken or stirred, and he answered with a sexy stoic, "Do I look like I give a damn?"

[I wonder if after watching Casino Royale, Pierce Brosnan is thinking now why do they have to make me look so wimpy.]

Well I thought the movie was fresh and current. Daniel Craig, with his pugly nose and strange-looking-yet-handsome face (and it must be said, those pecs) silenced even me. But even though that body can be distracting, Mr. Craig played double-oh-seven with the necessary edginess and raw physique to compete with the likes of modern-day spies like Jason Bourne and Jack Ryan. So yes, I enjoyed Casino Royale. Bobby did too. For the girls, go watch it and count the phwoarghs in your head. For the boys, there's a new Bond in town.

La Marche De L'Empereur

Love & tenderness, hardship, sacrifice & separation, role-reversals, a reunion, and hopefully new life, set against the icy, almost entirely white, backdrop of the Antarctica where there seem to be no other living beings, except penguins. I won't lie to you, it is a documentary. A documentary about the annual journey of thousands of emperor penguins, withstanding the harshest winters on earth, don their tuxedos and slow dance on the antartic ice desert all for the sake of procreation. Their journey is, short of a better word, amazing.

The first time I watched March of The Penguins, it was narrated in french. But because I was desperate to see the film that won the Oscar for Best Documentary this year, I bought the original version and fell in love with La Marche de L'empereur. I bought another copy last weekend, this time narrated by Morgan Freeman and is in English. Although after hearing Mr Freeman's booming and recognisable God-like voice, I still prefer the french version, even though I couldn't understand a word.

If you haven't watched the film, go do it now. Young or old, french or not, man or woman, give the emperor penguins a chance to entertain and move you.

Upcoming Movies

THE TERMINAL (2006)

Directed By:  EmmaGoodEgg

Written By:  EmmaGoodEgg

Cast:  EmmaGoodEgg (as herself) and the people in Dubai International Airport.

Studio:  FlyingCow Inc.

Genre:  Non-fiction Drama & Comedy

Release Date:  26th August 2006 (wide)

Additional Info:  Look out for the sequel to The Terminal coming soon!

PLOT

"The Terminal" tells the story of EmmaGoodEgg, stranded in transit because of a travel document that will not allow her to apply for a Dubai visa enroute to Baku, Azerbaijan.  Unable to leave the airport and having to spend 24 hours in transit at Dubai International Terminal, she must improvise her day and night in the terminal's international transit areas until her flight to Baku. 

As the hours stretches on and on, will Emma find the compressed universe of the terminal to be super fun and a travel adventure like no other?  Or would she be a completely stroppy cow?