EmmaGoodEgg

Postcards From Your Momma

New on Planet Frivilous!

A website that showcases emails lovingly sent from techno-savvy moms out there to their darling children. Maybe that doesn't sound like much fun but it is.

To wit:

The Manic Mom

The Quirky Mom

The FaceBook-ing Mom

The Confused Mom

The Scary Mom

Screenshots gratefully grabbed from here.

Ps/ I'm surfing the site for fun and laughter and a little bit of paranoia...

A Pregnant Man?

Have you heard about the woman who wants to be a man and became a man by taking hormones but opted out of the complete sex change by taking the hormones to be less woman but kept the organs? Confusing yes, but we must focus. She became a man and got married to a woman. They decided to have children but found out that the wife was unable to. So the man stepped up to the plate, and stepped up to the plate he did.

Meet Thomas Beatie, the first man to become pregnant, and about to deliver a baby girl in just a few weeks. I don't quite know how I feel about this, but I do know that I can't help think that he's still a woman.

Are we being Punk'd? His neighbours say we are.

Sometimes You Need A Bit Of Ridiculous

Aging rock stars rock like no other in a beef commercial? Only on You Tube.

Lessons In Love

In a few years time Beloved Son will be heading off to University. Even though I subscribe to the Lazy Ass School Of Parenting, I am starting to fret about what subjects he will take in which Unis and continent he should go to study.

As I ponder all the possible electives Beloved Son could take in furthering his education in order to live a fullfilled life, you can just poke me in the eye with a pencil if he chooses "The Love Elective". Apparently if he goes to a polytechnic in Singapore he can. Lest you think I overreact, the topics covered under "The Love Elective" are a bit like the Art Of Watching Soppy Movies, How To Hold Hands Without Sweating and The Perfect Love Song: A Myth, But Definitely Not Eye Of The Tiger:

The Singapore government is offering students lessons in seduction in an attempt to boost the city state's flagging birth rates. Students at two polytechnics can earn two credits towards their final degree by choosing the love elective. Activities include watching slushy films, holding hands and "love song analysis".

[From The Telegraph]

Lessons in seduction. Right. If I allowed that to happen I might as well register with the Lazy Ass Lame Loser School Of Parenting.

Team Aniston Unveals Headquarters In Jerudong!

I took a picture of resident swallows Ross and Rachel (renamed to appease Team Aniston) sitting in a tree outside our balcony.

I've all but forgotten about the whole 'Team Aniston vs Team Jolie (is Jen a sheming bitch or is Angie a stealer of husbands?) saga. Until I was reminded that Angelina is a husband snatching tart at a family function Friday evening by a family member who objected to my naming our swallows, Brad & Angelina.

I can be contrite, so here is my attempt at rehabilitation:

They both have nice hair.

It's Monday. I'm digging deep.

Something Else To Think About On A Sunday Morning

Jeff Buckley sings a song for staying under the duvet and forgetting Monday is just around the corner.

A Soupy Tale

A few nights ago Bobby and I watched this food show on the AFC. I can't remember what it's called but it was one of those shows where you win money for eating something gross on TV. It featured 2 Singaporean women hosted by a J-Pop lookalike guy. The women were asked to drink a bowl of clear soup with some bits of meat in it. After they've sipped the soup and munched the meat, the J-Pop guy then asked them to guess what soup it was. By this time both of them were looking worried and alarmed. Quite rightly so because a few minutes later he told them that they just drank LIZARD soup. Yes, LIZARD SOUP. The meaty bits? Well, those were LIZARD TOO! They were shown a similar dead lizard for extra effect and man do they look pissed. Right about then, I think the producers edited the part where the two women beat up the guy with the J-Pop hair, silly. If it was me, I would've kicked his balls too because I hate lizards.

So sometime that night I was slowly waking up to a squeamish sensation between my toes. I leapt up and yelled to a dying-of-fright Bobby who was rudely awakened by his dramatic wife, "THERE'S SOMETHING UNDER THE SHEEETS!!"

I scrambled out of the way and Bobby, not missing a beat, leapt up and started to flap the duvet over the side and then checked our matrimonial bed of slimy creatures. Thankfully there were none. By now I was feeling rather shameful because it was probably the memory of that big black lizard with the bulgy eyes being EATEN (good Lord) that made me subconsciously feel like there was one wrapping its tail around my toe.

We settled back into bed and mumbled in the dark, me shameful and Bobby whose heart rate has slowed down considerably:

Bobby: I was just dreaming I was downing that lizard soup before you did a kung-fu move in bed.
Me: I knew it was your fault.

But thank you for Phuket sweetheart, this one's for you.

When There Is Such A Thing As Too Much Beatles, Is Goth An Option?

Oh Brooke.
Brooke, Brooke, Brooke...

You were doing so well until you started getting cheesy with Here Come The Sun. I love you, you know I do, but even I cringed at the awkward twirl with the whoooh. Instead you let Syesha be the Brooke White of the night. Buck up you silly girl and well played Syesha.

I was discussing American Idol with JazzB this evening. We talked about how David Archuleta is the popular choice to win Season 7. Television Without Pity of course has the wisest thing to say about the matter:

But here's the thing: when Amanda sings, I feel like I'm in a bar; when David Cook sings, I feel like I'm in a club; when Brooke sings, I feel like I'm in an amphitheater; when Jason sings, I feel like I'm in my dealer's living room; but when David Archuleta sings, I feel like I'm watching a high school talent show. Every time. And it's a performing arts high school for gifted kids, absolutely. And he's clearly the best in the talent show, and he'll totally win and deservedly so. But if you're asking me to list the places I'd pay to be, I'd rather see Amanda at the bar, David Cook at the club, Brooke at the concert hall, and Jason at my dealer's house than go to David A.'s talent show.

Did Amanda Overmeyer deserve the boot this week? I wish lembab (damp) Kristy Lee Cook would just go already because she has sucked too many times. Amanda is, at the very least, entertaining.

I think next week's theme is gonna be ELVIS! "each contestant will sing a song from their year of birth". Bobby on the other hand is wanting a Robert Smith theme. Although I heart The Cure, somehow I don't see any of the Idol contestants singing "Killing An Arab"...

Phuket, Thailand

I was in Phuket with five of my girl friends in 2000. We booked a package from the Banyan Tree Phuket. At the time I wasn't quite the girlie girl and haven't been on a girlie beach holiday so bestbud Diva D sent me the packing list that pretty much said NO JEANS. Everyone met in Bangkok and upon our arrival at the Banyan Tree, we unpacked, changed into beachwear, had drinks decorated with flowers and planned our itinerary. Over the next 6 days, we ticked off the must-dos efficiently: A cruise around the islands, eat seafood, rent a Jeep and drive around Phuket, spa spa and spa, buy fake goods, go into Boots buy unneccessary hair products and be amazed that you are in Boots outside the UK, Transvestite Cabaret, Tiger Show...the works. It was my first girlie holiday and those were the days before digital cameras so the pictures I have of the memorable occasion are (thankfully) in an album somewhere.

Eight years later I have just returned from a second holiday in Phuket with my family in tow. It felt like too short a holiday and we were a bit sad (and a bit sunburnt) when we left the Villa, but it's good to be back. When we got home Willow meowed accusingly to us, I think she missed us when we were not around and probably stroppy that we got to eat first grade sashimi at Naoki. But that's for another post i.e. when I can get Bobby to do his food review on Naoki.

It may be a little bit different from the holiday Bobby and I usually have (namely hours and hours of simply monging by the beach interspersed with lots of eating) because this time we have Mimi and Azim with us but it was enjoyable all the same. Bobby told Mimi's grandparents, who met us at the airport last night, that she swam in the sea for the first time. Grandma was a little worried, but we told her that the sea in Phuket was flat and calm, its water warm, clean and a beautiful blue.

It's hard to imagine the Phuket that was during the tsunami in 2004. Bobby and I watched some video footage of the tsunami on YouTube just to remember what the island (and India, Sri Lanka, Indonesia and Malaysia) went through. The videos were scary and chaotic, but I'm glad to say that three years later Phuket has lost none of its charm and its tourism industry still buzzling. One evening Bobby, Azim and I left the serene tropical atmosphere of the resort to have some seafood and trawled Patong Beach. Which is a must-do when one is in Phuket. Azim saw a transvestite up close and got flashed fake boobies. These are also must-dos. I refrained from smuggling him into that show where the women do all those circus tricks with their private bits lest I be accused of leading my 16 year old son astray.

The resort recommended us to go to the Baan Rim Pa for some Thai seafood. The restaurant has one of the best location in Phuket, on a cliff overlooking the Andaman Sea. The girls and I also came to dine at the Baan Rim Pa all those years ago. However the food this time was not very good and I think after years of recommendations from concierges the owners are resting on their laurels. We had better Thai food cooked by the chef the resort provided and even in Brunei at Wandi's (a Thai restaurant in Jerudong, now unfortunately closed). Bobby was disappointed, but I said that Phuket is not known for its seafood, but is known more for its sex tourism. We headed off to Patong's Soi Bangla (Bangla Road) where the nightlife is centered on.

Baan Rim Pa

Azim in Thailand's omnipresent Tuk-Tuk heading back from Patong, a taxi-like vehicle known so because of how the engine sounds.

We also went for a cruise around the islands. The resort arranged a half-day trip for us and at 10am we went by car to the marina at Phuket Boat Lagoon. Upon seeing a rather flashy yacht, I said to Bobby, "Oh this is nice" and Bobby replied "No not that one". Well, it was no yacht but we had our own little boat complete with a Captain (with a tan surpassing George Hamilton but without the Botox) and his First Mate. Our Captain showed us a map of the islands we were about to visit around Phang Nga Bay, his running commentary a bit useless, I couldn't understand a word he was saying because his English had a thick Thai accent, but I'm not complaining.

Ahoy Mateys!

Exiting The Marina

We saw a lagoon that tourists could access via a small opening in the limestone cliff. There were people in their little canoes going in and out of the opening. Our Captain however, thought it would be quaint if he anchored close to the cliff, got his passengers to step off the boat and then precariously climb onto a ledge nestling in the limestone, just so we could see the lagoon. I put a brave face on and climbed ungainly, arms legs and ass akimbo.

Canoe Access

Ledge Access

The Lagoon

Took the customary picture of James Bond Island (known in Thai as Ko Tapu) called so because Francisco Scamaranga (Roger Moore's Bond arch nemisis in The Man With A Golden Gun) placed a laser gun type thing at the top of the island to harness solar power in order to destroy earth with a mmnnmmzzgggppddd! *cue 60's style sound effects of laser

The islands were teaming with hordes of tourists (young Japanese girls, large Americans, loud Europeans) in beachwear every colour and design, their faces red and a whole lot of sweat. Cameras clicking away. We were no different.

On the adjacent island of Ko Khao Phingkan, tourists stand on the beach to take pictures of James Bond Island.

When we returned a few hours later from the islands we brought Mimi for another swim in the pool. She swam a lot this holiday and everytime we brought her out of the water she seemed a little disgruntled and diva-like. She's a little water fiend, our Mimi. Bobby also calls her a fresh air fiend because she is happiest outdoors and is always raring to go for her morning walk when the sun (and her father) has just woken up. Our Phuket days were hot, sometimes blisteringly so. Even though we slather sunblock all over her exposed bits, Mimi got a little tanned and a little attitude.

A Lil' Diva With Attitude

We bought her a little straw hat from Phuket for extra shade. She liked it better than the flowery girly hats I subject her to, but it makes her look a little 'Crocodile Dundee'...

Azim and Mimi

Whilst our Villa was the best part of the resort, the main resort itself was rather nice...

The Entrance

The Library

The Beach Club

And on our last afternoon in Phuket, we stayed out by the beach to catch the sunset.

How to get there from Brunei?

You catch a Royal Brunei Airlines flight to Bangkok and then hop on a Thai Airways flight to Phuket. Ask for your luggage to be sent straight to Phuket. At the airport in Bangkok, proceed to arrivals, pass customs and go up to departures where you check in for your Thai Airways flight (and vice versa for the return leg).

Sa Wa Dee Kaap: Greetings from Thailand

Dear Mimi,

You are now in Phuket.

It took us approximately 10 hours of travel to get here. Weeks preceding our departure your parents fretted at how in the world can we get you to sit still during the flights so we thought of ways to occupy your time. We caved in and bought you your own DVD player, but it holds your attention for 5 minutes and then you want to eat it. You enjoy rubbing your gums on your toys and your books so we packed those too. Like your father, you enjoy your food, so we bought Rusks like it was going out of style. It's with a great deal of trepidation (and a whole lot of hand luggage) that we boarded the BI flight on Saturday to Bangkok, and then on a TG flight two hours later to Phuket. Amazingly you were well behaved throughout and the only time you cried longer than a few minutes was when your ears probably hurt on the way down to Bangkok and when we were about to board the flight to Phuket during your bedtime. You are such a little trooper.

Your routines haven't changed despite being in a different country. As usual around 6.30am you and your father go for your daily morning walk. Except this time your Mama stepped up to the plate and went for the walk with the both of you. Plus the scenery changed quite a bit. There were no cars full of school kids to wave to in the mornings and no old aunties exercising their rheumatic joints to say hello to. Instead we saw new foliage, stumbled into uoccupied villas and then went to the beach! Not to mention your Mama is awake and up and about! You absolutely loved the change in perspective.

A change in scenery at a godforsaken time in the morning.

We washed sand off our feet and so did you.

You also had your weekend swimming sessions but this time at the Villa and in a rather fetching swimsuit from Mothercare.

Another thing that hasn't changed? You are still stroppy in hats.

Love,

Your Mama xx

Ps/ Your Auntie Nips is going through a bit of a culture shock. She is rebelling against not having to make the bed and do the laundry. Although I must say she's learning fast because just this afternoon she ordered herself some coffee. I'm afraid we've created a monster...