Give Love & Respect A Chance

[Thank you to the manly men who provided valid comments on EmmaHardBoiledEgg's tirade on less than manly men. Being a GoodEgg, I had planned to show the 'other side of the coin' if you will, after reading the Daily Telegraph's article on From Trophy Wife To Toxic Wife]

My alterego went mental at the thought of mercenary men marrying for money, but let's not forget women were there first. Yes us women, the sweet yet scheming creatures we can be. Is it okay for a woman to marry for money? If you asked me, I would say no. Be it man OR woman, it is not okay to think of dollar signs when looking for a potential soul mate. I feel that in the end it just won't work. Marriage is difficult enough to start on such basis.

[Incidentally, if you asked my mother, a woman with a heart of gold, she'll say if she could marry again, she would do so for money. She says so not because she has become callous and cold-hearted. Simply because she married a poor man for love and then he was less than committed to her. My mother is lovely though, she never pushes any of us to be so callous about choosing mates, and she always tells us that at least he gave her her five children]

The Telegraph talks of rich men and their wives, those who keep their home and family perfect. These were given the moniker Trophy Wives and they throw the best dinner parties, ran perfect households, raised spotless chidren and kept her husband's life on track. Like an excellent PA, but at home.

But these days, we see the advent of lazy assed women who seek out rich men to marry. These are called Toxic Wives who marry then quit their jobs or don't bother finding work. They leave it to their army of maids to make their lives easy peasy, while they spend all day concentrating on 'Me, Me, Me'. The children are with the nannies all day, and the husband well, left miserably alone, working hard to fund her lifestyle.

However, I feel that there are more Trophy Wives than there are Toxic Wives in Brunei. This is perhaps in our country a majority of the women work, and even if they are Susie Homemaker, its rare to see a woman being selfish and doing nothing for her husband and family. She will make sure there is food on the table, see to the children's school and extra-curricular activities. She ensures that she is Hostest with the Mostest (and this means cooking lessons and other useful classes) and that there is nothing her husband is want of.

I agree that there are cultures in which women do wear the pants in the house. Like in Terengganu where there was traditonally a matriachal society and women headed the household. Interestingly, there is a popular image of effeminate Terengganu men. A further counterpoint to this is that Terengganu is now a PAS state.

Thankfully our culture is not like that. Call me a useless feminist if you want but I appreciate the traditional roles of the sexes. Although greater power in the work place means greater power at home there is nothing to gain by gender conflict. If we are careful, we can evolve traditional roles nicely to ensure we look after each other as well as we can.

And I feel that that the only way we get this if as men and women we treat our better halves with the utmost love and respect.

Comments

[Johnny]

Well written...but the thing is how can one tell whether a certain candidate (during the courting stages) is more toxic than trophy?

[aunidayini]

couldn't agree more :)

[my3rdeye]

Agreed. And nicely written.

[Anonymous]

Well said Emma! Well said.

[mamalobengs]

Happy New Year Maal Hijrah to you too dearest Sexy Emma & Family!!

Lots of love & Hugs, Mamalobengs :)