Those who know me well enough, know that I am afraid of lizards. Be it small cicaks (lizard in Malay), or bigger hairy ones that live behind your window, biawaks (monitor lizards), Gila Monsters, even the newt. Any creature that is remotely lizard-shaped will render me a-quivering and a-squealing.
Unfortunately for me, I think the lizard and I have some weird bond. Sometimes the damn thing will scuttle across the ceiling when I'm in the bathroom. Said lizard will park itself above the door so I cannot escape. The lizard will be looking at me, and I'll be looking at it...looking at me, looking at it, looking at me and looking at it, and invariably, the little sucker will fall onto the floor NEAR MY FEET and with a burst of latent superhuman strength I end up almost on/in the sink. There was one time Xander our cat and hunter, brought home a live fat lizard and plopped it on the kitchen floor and I climbed the kitchen table in half a second (Bobby was braver...he ran into the living room and shut the kitchen door on me and the damn thing). Don't think I can't move fast when I want to.
But that was the worst of my encounters with the lizard. Until of course, one of them came swimming with me. This sure is a tale to tell.
Bobby and I were just getting into our holiday last weekend on the Island of the Gods, swimming idly and chatting in between strokes. I was thinking of very happy thoughts when Bobby suddenly asked me to get out of the pool. I'm like Hello Baby *wink, but he didn't seem to get me especially with his eyes wide open looking terrified at the direction of the bushes nearby. So I turned to look the same direction and saw a big-ass monitor lizard peeking out from beneath the red flowers shaped like mini fireworks. When the lizard amongst the flowers saw us, it quickly ducked back into the undergrowth.
But Bobby kept on saying get out get out!! and I'm like whaaaaat tell meeeee!!! I scrambled out of the pool in the most ungainly manner and stood on the deck chair and continued wailing. Bobby goes into the Villa and by this time I am terrified beyond belief but still wanting to know...you know. I'm a masochist like that.
So by now I'm sniffling what is it what is it as I get off the chair to look over the edge of the pool and what do I see? I see a long tail in the water that's what I saw. There was another big lizard and this one was doing the backstroke in the pool. It was the grossest thing in the world. Bobby called the hotel staff for help and they probably thought beloved husband was some mat-salleh who is afraid of a teeny tiny cicak but when they saw the slimy creature swimming they went, "OOOOO besar nya!!" (OOOOO that's damn big man!!)
I spy with my little eye a monitor lizard in the pool.
I think you better call for reinforcements.
Get the slimy sucker! I was yelling from afar.
Bobby says he can still see it belly-flopping into the pool.
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